For a rejected parent, the pain is excruciating. This article discusses PA from two points of view. The first part relates an account of PA from the perspective of a parent who is also a physician.
The second part, by an expert in forensic child psychiatry, explains how the tragedy of PA can be prevented and treated. PA impacts people from all walks of life. Dr Jones name and identity changed shared his journey with me, and I think this case serves as a good illustration of this devastating condition that damages thousands of families every year. Like many young professionals, Dr Jones found work-life balance challenging. When his children were little, he loved his time with them.
He played Barbies on the floor with his daughter. He played catch for hours with his sons. They often went to the park together, just the three of them. He deferred much of the household responsibilities to their mom. She made the doctor appointments and arranged for dance lessons and play dates. He assumed this unspoken arrangement was natural.
By the time the children reached middle school, things began to change. There was always some reason, some excuse. Insidiously, the process of PA was taking hold. Several years passed before Dr Jones and his wife eventually separated. Dr Jones was ready to be the parent he knew he was without the overbearing presence of his ex, and so he naively set out to re-establish his relationship with his children.
But things did not go well. His visitation time was challenged. The children became distant. After a while, they simply refused to go with him. He tried the available channels: mediation, family counseling, and court motions and hearings, with no success.
He underestimated the power of PA, an adversary that accepts no compromise. The concept of PA had been described in the legal and mental health literature for many years, but the phenomenon was given a name in by Dr Richard Gardner, a child psychiatrist. Dr Jones tried to learn all he could about PA. He read the literature and took an online class. Everything he read seemed to be spot on. The attitudes and behaviors his children manifested matched the descriptions by Gardner and others.
But they could give no specifics. Dr Jones turned to counselors, highly trained and compassionate professionals in family dynamics. You need to accept it. He sought answers from his pastor. And he prayed. My heart has become like wax, it melts away within me. Thanks to the efforts of a growing number of dedicated mental health and behavioral clinician-scientists, PA is gaining acceptance as a recognized disorder.
Not a single birthday call. No Christmas anything. Graduations were watched from afar as an uninvited guest. Many milestones-award ceremonies, proms, college visits-were missed. Small moments were missed, as well-having lunch, sharing stories, just spending time together. The primary behavioral symptoms involve the following two criteria:. When a child exhibits both of these criteria along with two or more of the following, it is parental alienation.
Criteria for the Diagnosis of Parental Alienation. The primary behavioral symptoms involve the following two criteria: Campaign of denigration against the target parent. The child often presents complaints in a litany, some trivial, many false or irrational. The child often denies ever having experienced good times with the target parent when that is clearly not the case.
They may claim to be fearful, but they do so easily and without typical fear reactions. Many spoke of suffering from depression, turning to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, failed relationships and multiple divorces and, most sadly, becoming alienated from their own children later in life. In this way, the intergenerational cycle of parental alienation syndrome was perpetuated.
Wide Range of Alienation Tactics The adult children with parental alienation syndrome described a range of alienating strategies, including constant badmouthing of the targeted parent, chronic interference with visitation and communication, and emotional manipulation to choose one parent over the other.
There was considerable but not complete overlap in the strategies identified by the targeted parents with those described by adult children. Working With Targeted Parents Social workers counseling parents who are facing parental alienation need to offer support, education, and guidance.
These clients must be encouraged to look at themselves and their relationship with their children prior to blaming the other parent for their difficulties. If the conclusion is that parental alienation is at work, the targeted parent should be taught a series of responses to parental alienation that can allow the targeted parent to maintain the high road while not becoming overly passive or reactive.
Such parents need ongoing validation and support in dealing with the pain and suffering associated with parental alienation. Working With Alienated Children Social workers who come into contact with children currently alienated must be self-reflective and aware so that they do not ally with the child against the targeted parent. A second concern is avoiding becoming intimidated or manipulated by the alienating parent. The child should be helped to develop critical thinking skills in order to enhance his or her ability to resist the pressure to choose sides.
The social worker can be a role model who values and respects the targeted parent in order to counter the ongoing message that this parent is inadequate and someone to be discarded. In private practice, family service agencies, and school settings, social workers may work with clients affected by parental alienation.
Familiarity on the part of the social worker is the first step in providing the client with information, guidance, and hope when dealing with this complicated and painful issue. Baker, PhD, is director of research at the Vincent J. Resources for Targeted Parents Amy J. Custody Calculation : Web site with information about a program designed to help parents have input into the creation of custody orders, www.
Divorce Support : Web site with information about divorce, www. Parental Alienation Awareness Organization : Web site with information about parental alienation, www. The Rachel Foundation for Family Reintegration : Organization offering reintegration programs and services for targeted parents and alienated children, www. References Baker, A. Adult children of parental alienation syndrome: Breaking the ties that bind. New York: W. Baker, A. Behaviors and strategies employed in parental alienation: A survey of parental experiences.
A construct study of the eight symptoms of severe parental alienation syndrome: A survey of parental experiences. Gardner, R. The parental alienation syndrome: A guide for mental health and legal professionals. Langone, M. Recovery from cults: Help for victims of psychological and spiritual abuse. Wallerstein, J. The unexpected legacy of divorce: The year landmark study. New York: Hyperion. Contact About Us Writers' Guidelines. Privacy Policy Terms and Conditions.
Eight Manifestations of Parental Alienation Syndrome 1.
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