From "When Harry Met Sally" to "Sex and the City" to your basic porn film, women in the throes of passion aren't just shouting their ecstasy from the rooftops - they're moaning with pleasure.
But is this just cinematic license, or is there really something to noisy sex? Experts wondered the same thing. Last year, Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds published their research on the topic - technically known as "copulatory vocalization" - in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.
In the study, they asked 71 sexually active heterosexual women between ages 18 and 48 for more details about vocalization during sex. The researchers found that many of the women did make noise, but not necessarily while they were having an orgasm. Are female orgasms really just a 'bonus'? They may have begun as a series of small respiratory releases, but they have been adapted into a form of communication between partners.
When a woman exhibits them, for example, they inform her partner about her level of pleasure and enjoyment. I was focused. The moan, in particular, caught my attention. We moan when food is delicious, sometimes even before we take a bite. I myself got just about porny over a hamburger one night. We moan when we get a massage and the masseuse hits the perfect spot. Why were we moaning like that? In other words, why do pleasurable sensations make us go lexically Neanderthal?
In turn, Higham explained the law of brevity. The law of brevity states that the words we use most frequently are very short and the words we use rarely are long. The moan, then, was not only an exaggerated physiological reaction or an antiquated way to get attention, but also a shortcut — a way to be efficient.
Another way to understand the significance of the sex sound was to investigate why women faked. Gayle Brewer, a professor of psychology at the University of Central Lancashire, coauthored a study about fake sex sounds. One was that they wanted the sex to end. Brewer explained the method tends to work, too. Seconds might turn into thirds. The more sex, the more chances to aid in the continuation of our species. Ultimately, I felt mixed about all this news.
In one sense, it made lady sex noises seem inauthentic. In another, it made them brilliantly strategic — like over the millennia women have expertly harnessed their vocal chords and turned them into a type of superpower. Using fake sex sounds should come with a cape and a leotard.
The only question I had left, and maybe most important to me of all, was whether or not I was actually missing out on something by not being vocal. This can be really destabilising. If changes in your life are the cause of your problems it can be tempting to look for someone to blame — our partners can often seem like an easy target.
Instead, try talking to your partner about things in a calm, honest and open way. Putting how you feel into words, and having a calm, honest conversation about your feelings can be enough to help you feel better.
This can mean conflicts just spiral further and further out of control instead of getting resolved.
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